when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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