he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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