Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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