Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
