come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My feet surprised me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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