My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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