I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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