My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
