Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
