Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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