two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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