I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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