shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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