Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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