just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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