My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
