So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
