Pappa wants mamma naked
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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