Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful