and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.