you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?