East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.