I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.