awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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