I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
