I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
