My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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