Kiss
Puke
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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