Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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