you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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