Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we should paint friendship bongs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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