I just threw up on my dentist
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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