my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
