Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
