Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
