Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
