Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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