in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
