We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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