my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize