This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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