puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
