I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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