How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
