I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
