he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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