Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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