so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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