So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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