Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
