i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
