Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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