Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
