is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
