Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize