Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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