we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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