well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
