I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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