this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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