my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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