Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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