dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
