I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
