I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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