He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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