i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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