i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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