It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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