I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
