he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
