I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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