using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
