i permit you to call me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I have post one night stand depression
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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