We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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