a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
