I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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